Five ways to introduce to your parents the idea of help and home care
We often hear adult children who literally have to fight to "convince" their parents to ask for help. Most of the time, children know that their parents need care services for the elderly, but their parents do not feel the same way. Today, the experts at Home Instead will share with you five approaches to talk about home support and home care.
Before you begin, make sure you plan what you want to say. With the help of your spouse or other family members, do an exercise, especially to work on some of your emotions. Talk about how you feel with other family members, a friend, a caregiver, or your therapist.
It is important to defuse any source of potential litigation and to evacuate as much as possible the resentment, anger, frustration, etc., from the past in order to present a more objective point of view and a temperate atmosphere in your discussions.
Five approaches to talk about home care services for seniors:
Talk about what they want to hear, not what you think they need
Start the conversation and present it as an opportunity to get help with tasks such as housekeeping or grocery shopping. Do they order a lot of food to take away? Perhaps a "personal chef" coming to cook supper meals while they are tired would be attractive. Dad hates taking care of laundry but loves his shirts tight; well then? What about the cupboard cleaning project or shopping for holiday gifts?
Voici donc quelques exemples qui sont des moyens faciles d’introduire l’idée de l’aide à domicile. Ça ne sonne pas comme des « services de soins aux personnes âgées » ou comme admettre qu’ils ont besoin d’aide. Une aide à court terme ou basée sur des tâches précises peut sembler moins engageante.
Here are some examples that are easy ways to introduce the idea of home care. It does not sound like "elder care services" or admit they need help. Short-term or task-based help may seem less of a commitment.
Your parents will get used to having help and will be more likely to trust the person to do more. We find that in almost all cases, clients end up enjoying receiving help. It is perceived as a little luxury that gives them a break from the mundane and painful tasks. Even when someone is very active, some tasks become difficult or tiring with age. For others, these are things they have never liked to do or learn to do in the first place.
Congratulate your parents. Put the conversation in a positive context
Personalize and tell a story. The raw facts tend to be ineffective when it comes time to break a firmly rooted belief. Instead, share a personal story that depicts the situation. Use conversation starters. Talk about your own situation, for example, how you prepared or got help with some housework. If a neighbour uses elder care services, they could share their positive experiences directly. Talk about an unfortunate situation of someone you know who had a crisis at home and who, fortunately, had company at home.
Put the conversation in a positive context. For example, you could congratulate your parents for the way they managed retirement. Mention how you value the way they keep themselves healthy. Ask them for advice; reinforce them and help them feel involved in decision-making.
Seizing the opportunities and sowing seeds
Plant seeds and let the conversation grow over time. It will be much more difficult if you wait until there is a serious crisis to discuss. Often, when your parents are having difficulties, they are more defensive. They see what is happening and are afraid to admit it. Start talking about what they want as they get older, discuss different scenarios, and share what you want for yourself. Talk about examples of parents of your friends or their friends.
If your parents receive a new health diagnosis, this is the perfect time to consider what may be needed. It could be as simple as a mobile app for managing drugs. They may find it helpful and reassuring to be able to press a drop button after an episode of vertigo. Their doctor can also be a good ally in suggesting home care services or technologies related to their physical condition or illness. Check their situation regularly and listen to their concerns.
You might suggest hiring someone to help with the household while he or she is recovering from the flu. Post-hospital care and post-surgery help are more like a prescription than a radical change of life. Do not miss these "windows of opportunity".
Talk directly about what keeps them from asking for help. Listen and examine their concerns
Your parent may not admit his concerns out of hand. Listen carefully and ask questions. Older people are often afraid of losing their independence. They think this is the first step towards a retirement home or the CHSLD.
Be extremely careful to detect unexpressed clues and attack them head-on. Demonstrate how home care for others of their age or from their entourage has helped them stay at home rather than entering a retirement home.
Another very common concern is how they will "react" with someone at home. They feel that this person will be in their space and that it will be a burden if they have to constantly give direction. Again, proactively address and dispel doubt right from the start.
At Home Instead, we know this is a very common concern among seniors. As a result, we develop a comprehensive care plan based on the needs and desires of the client that guides the professional caregiver in his daily tasks. The family caregiver does not have to worry about caring for the professional caregiver all the time. There will not be a time when the professional caregiver will not know what to do. And we follow up with proactive supervision based on customer feedback.
Once you have gone through difficult conversations, we want to help you succeed. Make sure you ask all of these elder care providers all these questions before hiring them.
Do not try to "settle" all at the same time. Sometimes you have to know when to pull back. Start small.
Bring in help from the outside
Think about your approach in advance. Who should be there to help you in this conversation? Is there a family member that your parent listens to the most? Can you talk to your doctor about your suggestion regarding home care? Do they consult a particular friend on important issues? If so, could this friend share a story about the use of elder care services?
Appealing for the first time to an elder care provider may be your best bet. First, the home care professional can learn a little more about the real situation of your parents and make targeted suggestions. She / he can give advice on how to approach the conversation and even facilitate it. The results might surprise you!
The professional caregiver can also help you get another perspective. Everything can be felt like a crisis when one is caught in a whirlwind of emotions; you may imagine the worst scenarios. With the help of a home care professional, you can prioritize what needs to be done immediately. Professional caregivers can assess the current situation and needs. In the end, you will have a plan, a roadmap to guide you.
In addition, the professional caregiver can help you define boundaries. The goal is to give the parent the power to make decisions and deal with the consequences. (Of course, in some cases, such as advanced dementia, the professional caregiver can also determine when the elderly is no longer competent to make such decisions, in which case the professional caregiver may recommend a plan for action.)
With the help of a home care professional, you can be clear about what you can and can not do to help your parent. For most of us, it's very difficult to do; thus, the support of a home care professional can be invaluable.
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